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I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.