Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.