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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.