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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!