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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”