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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.