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Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness