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A wise man once said nothing.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.