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Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
I was born at a very early age.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*