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Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
Gun Control: Use both hands
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."