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When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.