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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.