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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I like people... From a distance.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch