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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-