Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.