Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.