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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.