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Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.