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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I think I may be getting harder to love.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!