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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.