Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav