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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.