Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
My number was 0...
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.