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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?