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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.