Daily Silly Status

My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...

I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.

“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.

At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it

You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"

I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....

If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."

I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken

In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.

I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.

Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*

My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.

When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case

Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V

Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?