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Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol