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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
How`d this get posted?