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My tricks aren`t for kids.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.