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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective