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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.