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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.