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Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.