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If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.