Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.