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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.