Daily Silly Status

Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.

There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"

I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire

I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.

Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.

If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.

If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment

facebook is the only book we read everyday.

Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes

LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.

I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"

Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.