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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
My favorite beer is an open one.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."