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Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......