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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(