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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.