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Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Find someone you`re good at.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!