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I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.