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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.