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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone