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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.