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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?