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Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Please don`t hastag out loud...
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Please do not read this.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time