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Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.