Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.