Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.