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You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
´s status message is better than yours
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?