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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.