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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2