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Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.