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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.