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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...